“When I sense distance between me and my boyfriend, I tend to want to talk it out and come to agreement quickly, but he tends to want to process by himself for a time before he talks it out with me. Is this something he should change?”
My first thought was, “yes, he should change.” Like me, and my friend, he should want to resolve things immediately! But, as we talked more, we realized that everyone is different, and processes differently. As we started talking about all the side issues that relate to this, I began to realize that it’s the time spent over years together that has caused me to have more understanding for my spouse and his process, and to even learn from his perspective.
The longer we’ve been married, the more I trust him to see issues not only from his perspective, but also from mine – he knows me pretty well by now! And I know him pretty well, too. I’ll know him even better in another 20 years – and we will be that much closer and better attuned.
All that to say, a relationship can start out good: fun, exciting, sweet… and if you pay attention, it will get better and better!