A Quest for a Better Than Good Enough Marriage

  • Cocktail Hour
    by in / Big Ideas / Communication / Having Fun / Intimacy
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    Cocktail Hour

    I was the youngest of five growing up, and one of my earliest memories is of my parents reuniting each evening after work to have a gin and tonic and talk about their day together. I don’t recall any of us kids trying to horn in on that time, though

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  • A Cup of Water in the Night
    by in / Big Ideas / Communication / Intimacy
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    A Cup of Water in the Night

    Here’s an interesting question: If your spouse woke you up in the middle of the night and asked for a cup of water, would you get it for them without question? Would you first want to know if they were ill, or something else was keeping them from getting up

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  • Four Styles of Marriage
    by in / Big Ideas / Communication / Conflict
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    Four Styles of Marriage

    One of the most interesting bits of wisdom presented to us regarding marriage styles was shared by some very dear, more relationally experienced friends. They have traveled the world, talked with people everywhere, and seen the same patterns over and over again. They named these patterns the “Four Styles of

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  • Don’t Mess It Up!
    by in / Big Ideas / Communication
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    Don’t Mess It Up!

    Oops… too late. Like everything in this beautiful, yet broken world, nothing is perfect – including relationships. Which means soon or later, you are going to mess it up with your partner. It happens. We’re human. For any number of reasons, a lot of broken, unhappy marriages exist these days.

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by in / Ideas
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Don’t Make Him/Her the Adventure…

…embark on Adventure together! What I mean by that is, I’m really glad that I am not my husband’s adventure. I am not THE Big, Exciting, Fulfilling Thing in his life. Yes, our relationship is important to both of us, but we want to go on an adventure together. We

by in / Ideas
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30 Days to a Better Relationship.

Okay that’s a joke.

by in / Having Fun / Ideas / Intimacy
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A Little Pre-Date Action

Now, I don’t know if this idea would work for everyone… Several years into our marriage we realized that sex before an evening out works better than sex at the end of the evening. I’m not sure why it took us so long to figure this out. I guess it’s

by in / Conflict / Ideas
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Be Nice, Poopoo Baby Car!

When our son was just a little guy, he would sometimes get fed up with his older sister…as younger brothers are prone to do. For a brief period of time, he would respond to her bossing with, “Be nice, poopoo baby car!” Too brief, if you ask me. What he

by in / Communication / Conflict
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Like Fine Wine

Like Fine Wine

I young woman asked me this recently: “When I sense distance between me and my boyfriend, I tend to want to talk it out and come to agreement quickly, but he tends to want to process by himself for a time before he talks it out with me. Is this

by in / Communication / Conflict / Ideas
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Know That Emotion!

What emotional response do you have to conflict? The reason I ask is because early in our marriage, when we would have conflict, I would feel sadness and Rick would feel anger. Here’s how it would play out: We would have an argument. Then I would, hating the feeling of

by in / Ideas
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Try.

This one’s gonna be touchy. I’m going to say it anyway. Ladies and Gentlemen both: try to look good for each other. I will now make a couple of sweeping generalizations: • Women seem to get turned on when their man does/says things to make them feel loved. • Men

by in / Communication / Spirituality
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“Love Languages”

Within the first two years of our marriage, someone suggested the book, “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman – it totally blew our minds. I recall being occasionally frustrated by what I could only attribute to a husband who was clinically nuts – rushing around after he got home

by in / Communication / Having Fun
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Pay Now or Pay Later

Back when we were just young pups, and our kids were little, we met with a very wise mentor who asked, “Have you been going out and spending time together away from your kids?” Most young parents recognize the need (or at least the desire) to get away for an

by in / Communication / Conflict
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Resolve… and Agree to Agree

The term, “Agree to Disagree” is often touted as good advice for couples, but I think that only works for things in the differences-of-opinion category. We should distinguish between differences of opinion (I wanted to go out for Mexican, he wanted to go out for Mediterranean), and actual issues that